Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
