i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
