dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
