WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
