I want to make a zoo with you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
