come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you win again, gameday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
