Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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