she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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