Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this beer tastes like vomit already
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
