my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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