apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
