can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
