Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
