I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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