when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
