The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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