I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
