he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
