they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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