she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
