I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
