Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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