Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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