This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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