How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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