just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
