You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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