i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
