that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
