There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
