I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
