We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
