an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
