Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
