I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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