bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
