I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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