She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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