Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's shark week go big or go home
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
