you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
