I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
