someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Randomize
