Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the condom got lost in my hair
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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