i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
FUCK WHALES
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
