so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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