is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
