Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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