Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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