Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
