I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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