Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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