Midget sex pt 2 tonight
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
